Ebony & Ivory

At the beginning of the year, I decided that every month in the year I would do something I’ve never done before. And it could be anything, from trying a different cuisine, or traveling to a new destination. The general idea was to experience something new.

To my surprise, I managed to keep up with this declaration. Earlier this year, I decided that I would go out on a date with a white guy. Without any fluff, I will dive right into it.

I found this dude on an online dating app.  He seemed nice and respectable. Right off the bat, I thought, oh he is different from these other clowns online.  He is not blatantly asking for sex.  It was a breath of fresh air because most dudes are just trying to get it in. Now don’t get me wrong, sex is great but I am getting old and looking for something more meaningful.

Alright, so I agreed to meet this dude at his apartment. He told me he would be waiting for me outside. I pull up, parked and was confused a bit.  This man didn’t look like his pictures.  It was like an optical illusion. There wasn’t an immediate need to call Nev and Max from the MTV’s Catfish but he did look better in his pictures.  I immediately thought what in the Archie Bunker hell is going on here? I just knew Edith would come running out the house next.  That should have been my first sign to put the car in reverse and peel off.  Being the nice guy I am, I decided to get out the car. He was a sweating “Chatty Cathy” which I chopped up to him being nervous.  He offered me a drink. I kindly declined because he had just finished using the bathroom without washing his hands.  2nd strike!  He was so country and sounded like a hillbilly.  I was taken aback when he said he only dates black men.


We head to the restaurant and he proceeds to tell me about a roommate he use to have.  Apparently things went left with them. This fool then says, “he was trying to take advantage of me.  I wasn’t having it. Shit, I’m not that type of nigga.” Wait!  Hold up.  Flag on the play! 


In my head, I was thinking, I know this fool didn’t say nigga.  As I am bouncing this around in my head, he repeats it, “I’m not that kind of nigga.” Of course the first thing, I thought was to let him have it.  Then I was confused and left speechless because I’ve never heard a white person refer to themselves as a nigga.  I didn’t know if I should be offended because he wasn’t directing it to me.  I was disappointed in myself because I didn’t set him straight. Confrontations are not my thing.  That was my opportunity to educate him because the next person he said that around may not have been as amicable.  My spirit was disturbed. The energy changed.  I took him back home but not before getting my free dinner. It’s bad I know but Mexican food is my favorite and hell I was hungry. He owed me that from the mental anguish!  You’ll be glad to know I never spoke to him again.

A few months later, I decided to give it one more go around with a white guy. I met this dude and 5 minutes into the conversation he said “you look nice ninja.” Again, I was shocked but this time I spoke up. I asked why he chose to use that word and he said because he doesn’t like the other word.  I kindly let him know that he should not be using either word as they are both offensive.  He apologized.  I left.

Needless to say, these experiences have put a nasty taste in my mouth for dating white men especially in our current racial, political and social climate. No disrespect to anyone in an interracial relationship.  Some of my good friends are down with the swirl. I am not against it at all.  Love is love.  It’s just not for Uncle! Now as for me and my house, we will use Shea butter and Sportin’ Waves hair grease.